


Scarred

by McKayRulez



Series: Dark & Disturbed Stargate [6]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Bad Days, Cutting, Emotionally Repressed, Episode: s01e10-e11 The Storm/The Eye, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hurt Rodney McKay, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Rodney McKay Whump, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 14:52:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18448844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKayRulez/pseuds/McKayRulez
Summary: "The way he mentioned Kolya's torture was so casual and unnerving. Though, given what he’s been through these past years of the exhibition, it probably didn’t rank that high on emotionally or mentally scarring moments anymore."





	Scarred

"It's good to be back."

The meeting welcoming Carter back as Atlantis's leader was over. Her department heads clapped and stood. 

Sam glanced over the table, a small smile on her lips. Enjoying the moment of being back in the big chair. 

Her eyes roamed over Colonel Sheppard, Teyla, Dr. Keller, Dr. Beckett, and Dr. McKay. 

John and Teyla headed to the gym for a sparring practice meet up with Ronon. Jennifer and Carson were chatting together about some medical procedures as they left. McKay was slightly slower to get up. His eyes distant, mind probably busy with some new idea or equation. As he reached for his tablet, his sleeve slightly pulled up, exposing his skin. 

Carter’s eyes happen to catch the sight of an angry red line across his flesh. 

He stood and turned his back, ready to leave. Before Carter even had a chance to evaluate what she just saw, her voice spoke out for her. “McKay!” 

“Hmm? What?” Rodney turned, his blue eyes slid over to her and she gazed at him unsure what to say. 

“I.. It’s good to see you again.” 

He smirked. “It’s great to have you back, blue eyes.” 

Sam looked him over concerned. “How are you doing?” 

“As good as can be expected when you can die at any time in any mission off world, or even here on this city by the bunch of morons that call themselves scientists.” Rodney stated sarcastically. Sam raised a questioning eyebrow and Rodney shook his head. “I’m fine.” 

“You sure?” 

His blue eyes stared into her and his slant lips slid into their trademark frown. “Why?.. Who put you up to this? Was it Zelenka, or Carson? Because whatever they may have said, I’m fine, and no,” He pointed at her, “I’m not working to hard.” 

“McKay, that’s not what I-” Before Sam could finish her sentence, McKay had started pacing, his hands dancing wildly as he spoke. 

“Sure, I work late nights, but everyone gets insomnia some times, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me, and no, I haven’t gained weight. I don’t know why Sheppard and Ronon think that way or whisper it behind my back. I have a perfectly normal-” 

Sam pinched the bridge of her nose. This first day back was going so well. Why did she have to ruin it for herself with the guy who could talk all day a mile a minute? Maybe it was genuine concern.. Or maybe she was starting to go soft on the guy after all these years. “McKay!” 

Rodney’s head snapped towards her, due to her abruptness, mid ramble. “Hmm?” She pointed to his exposed forearm, which was now even less covered in his wild flailing mannerisms. He looked down at it, seeing the nasty scar. “Oh.. That.” 

\--

Rodney had retaken his seat to her right, his arm fully exposed now, with his sleeve rolled up. 

Sam ran two fingers over the long straight scar tissue across his forearm. She looked at him confused. "You've had this for how long?"

"About five years."

She blinked. It didn’t look old.. It looked brand new. “How?” She asked, hoping it wasn’t too personal for him and nosy of her. 

“When the Genii tried to take the city during the storm years back. Kolya had his men torture me for information.” 

Sam listened intently as he gave details about that day, and how threatening Kolya had been to him and Dr. Weir, to the point McKay had to stand infront of Elizabeth as Kolya pointed a gun to her head. 

The way he mentioned Kolya's torture was so casual and unnerving. Though, given what he’s been through these past years of the exhibition, it probably didn’t rank that high on emotionally or mentally scarring moments anymore.

“It looks so..”

“Fresh?” His eyes slid away. 

“Yeah…” She watched him carefully. His neck looked wet. Was he breaking out into a nervous sweat? 

Rodney shrugged. “The scar reopens from time to time. Maybe it was the knife they used. Some Genii blade tech, possibly?” 

Sam gave him a concerned look. “McKay.. Has Carson looked at this.” 

“No.. I bandaged it myself when I first got it, because Carson himself was injured. He never looked once at it.”

“If it keeps reopening then something must be wrong. Maybe you need stitches?” 

Rodney raised his hand to stop her and lowered his sleeve. “It’s fine. Really.. I’m way too busy to need to get this tiny little thing checked out.” 

“Rodney-” 

“It’s no big deal.” He arose from his chair quickly. “I’ve had it for years, I think can handle it.” He strolled to the door, then looked back at her with a taunting smirk. “Though it’s nice you care so much.” 

Sam huffed and crossed her arms, as he grinned and left. Her eyes then slid to the side. His insistence to avoid being checked out sat wrong with her. Let alone his abrupt departure at the mere mention of it. 

Something wasn’t right... 

\--

A few weeks later, after a tough scientific failure with an ancient machine, with disastrous results, she found her feet heading towards the labs. The dangerous domain which people were currently avoiding, to be spared the misery of a defeated and depressed Dr. McKay. 

She watched him, in the glow of his lab’s moonlit sky light. It was late.. Or should she now say early morning? He was all alone in the empty silent laboratory. His back to her and the door she peered through to check on him, to see if he really was still up at such a horrid hour, slaving away at the science. As her feet circled around to his side, her eyes caught sight of his un-kept hair, his ghostly white skin, his stubble lining his chin, and his sapphire blue eyes unwavering from his dedicated handiwork. His jacket was draped over his chair, leaving his pale arms freely exposed. It was adorned with a long repeatedly lacerated cut which bled a red river unto the workbench. His other hand held the culprit. A silver shiny pocket knife. 

McKay’s eyes were glued to the results of his cuts, as he went over the same line again and again. His lips mumbling something inaudible to anyone but his own thoughts. 

She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, spooking him out of his trance in the process. 

His startled frantic eyes looked between her and the bloody crimson knife. 

His lips trembled but before his mind could start to function again with words to say, Sam sat next to him, bringing her arms comfortingly around his body and laid her head on his shoulder. 

She said nothing. Didn’t have to. As her delicate touch was all it took for McKay’s fragile dark emotions to shatter as he shook in her grasp. He lower his head and sobbed. “I’m sorry.” 

She rubbed his back in soothing circles, and brought a quiet voice into his ear. “It’s okay.” 

And she meant it. 

She just wasn’t sure how, or when, but it would be. All she could do right now was her mantra, as McKay babbled on apologies. 

“It’s okay.”

This scar was skin deep, but the cause of it was something scarred much deeper within. With Heightmeyer deceased, it would be difficult, but he was going to get the help he needs. She was going to make sure of it.


End file.
